Okay, I'm a foreigner. As foreign as I could get, actually. I'm pretty sure that any Narnia national would have had much less explaining to do about their whereabouts than I've had to over the course of the nine months of my stay in the UK. But the question is, am I an ethnic minority? (Spoiler alert:YES)
Google doesn't have an answer. But let me put this straight: I'm from Georgia, a country of three million people believing that when God(which definitely exists) was handing out the pieces of land for different people, Georgians were late due to a regular everyday drinking session with page long toasts, but they somehow managed to talk God(he does!) into giving them a small piece of Eden on earth he was keeping for himself. Georgia - a country fucked over so many times, in so many ways by so many conquerors, ugh, don't even get me started(Wikipedia has it, if you insist).
To be brutally honest, most of us Georgians are still quite surprised we've made it this far, but hey, since we kind of have, might as well keep doing whatever we've always been doing and what we're good at - being complete and utter nutters, that is.
Don't get me wrong, Georgia is the land of many wonders, delicious foods and magnificent wines and magical landscapes. Our writers and poets and composers have kicked numerous asses throughout history. We have our own fucking language, for fuck's sake, which comes with its own alphabet & stuff. That's why Georgia is packed with young backpackers and wide-eyed tourists in search of themselves, BUT when it comes to politics, or say, general social issues, we become a bunch of yelling, swearing cavemen, running around in circles like a bunch of unsupervised kids left with a bucket of poo. And there's usually no one around to clean us up.
We're not even sure what the fuck is it that we want. Striving to be a part of the EU? Sure. But nope, there are gay people in Europe, and all of them want to have sexytime with Georgian guys. It's literally the only thing all the European gay guys and Satan want.
There was this little attempt to celebrate equality a while ago. A bunch of young people in rainbow tees were supposed to say that yeah guys, we're all equal in a tiny Georgian park. But you know what happened? Georgian Christians happened. A mob of priests with their congregations chased those 10 people around, armed with chairs and sticks, threatening to kill them.
Is USA our friend and adviser? Kind of. But not really. There is an oak tree in our Grandpa's back garden older than America. So they shouldn't get a say.
Is Russia bad because like, 5 years ago they occupied a huge ass piece of our land and bombed the shit out of us? Nope. They're bros, we have so much in common (like, them drinking our mineral water when painfully hungover, or saying Gamardjoba(hello in Georgian) to celebrate our brotherhood when drinking Georgian wine from a horn and standing on a chair)!
Yeah, I've lived that for over two decades. It never stops, and while 90% of the mentally able population chooses to remain in status quo and take pride in their impotent superiority over a fancy cup of berry tea, there's only so much fun you can have while watching the kids with a bucket of poo. After a while it becomes sadly gross and there's no staying out of it. Especially if all you want to really do is make blunt, silly adverts and read science fiction.
So yeah, that's kind of a long version of me saying I'm an ethnic minority, even if I don't look like one.
Ana
